Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Spam 101: Where not to Click

Alright kids, this spam situation doesn’t seem to be getting any better, Facebook spam, Twitter spam, email spam, SMS spam. So as a part of my ongoing invisible anti-stupidity campaign, I’ve decided to write this post. Here’s what you [insert negative adjective that doesn’t offend you so much but makes you feel stupid here] should know:

1. Do NOT click Facebook links that appear to be videos of babes in bikinis or skimpy clothing, a) no it is not awesome, b) no it is not OMG so funny, and c) no your friend did not like it, they’re just as ‘curious’ as you are.

2. That teenage girl did NOT kill herself after her dad saw this video of her. This has been going on for what, three years now?

3. No, you will never know who visits your profile, I don’t want to know who visits my profile, I know that you did not manually post that on my (and 30 other friends’) wall, but you clicked the damn link and so you technically did just spam us all.

4. Hotmail is not “going crazy” and you won’t be able to see what other people write about you in their emails and MSN chats.

5. And there definitely isn’t an app that shows you who blocked you on MSN.

6. Or removed you on Facebook.

7. Yes, I have heard of your special ‘event’ what with the thousands of tweets and retweets on my timeline, no, I’m not interested; stop sending out event links to everyone on Twitter. You cannot just shove your spam into the conversation. Imbecile.

8. And I most certainly am not going to send you my number in a direct message so you can spam me there as well.

9. I will not like your friend’s page if it’s not something I like; I’m not exactly interested in dishwasher spare parts.

10. If anyone from any telecom company is reading this: a) who the hell gets their breaking news by subscribing to your SMS service? b) I will not send you an SMS that costs me 1 JD so that you give me “saving” tips that cost another 1 JD/SMS. (Tip #1 should be: UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS CRAP) and c) I think people already have access to أسماء الله الحسنى and do not need you to send them one each day.

Bottom line, nobody likes spammers, so don’t click on anything that says “OMG!” on it.

Now comment on this post and win a free trip to Hada'eq el Hussein.