Winter: I'm Torn

People have been complaining a lot lately about how winter’s really late and how they want the weather to get colder already, as much as I do agree that we need rain, lots of rain to survive next summer (especially if it’s going to be as hot as this year’s) I have to say that I’m not exactly looking forward to colder days, here’s why: (yes it’s a list and I’m obsessed to the extent that I can’t write anything else)

a. I’m the type whose hands and feet have a freezing point of 17°C and a boiling point of 6000°C, they freeze, and never get warmer unless I set them on fire for a while, so when I’m not near fire, I’m unable to function properly, I can’t even type so expect less blogging/tweeting if I’m not warm enough. They get so cold that if you hit my hands hard enough you’ll get this:

b. Just the misery I go through every day when I want to get out of bed should be a good enough reason. I’m best friends with my pillow even in the summer so you can imagine the feeling when it’s cold outside and I have to get up and go to work while my bed is extra warm.

c. I’m really not keen on morons driving by and splashing water from puddles on pedestrians, and if you’re familiar with the streets of Amman, you already know they look like this when it rains: 

Source

d. The fact that cold tap water feels like it’s coming down in the form of ice cubes in the morning makes me cringe at the very idea of washing up or performing Wudu in the early hours. Although I have to admit it’s a very pleasant surprise when I’m expecting ice-cold and get really warm water instead!

e. Mud.

f. I find that the layers of clothes I need to wear in cold weather tend to impede my already-not-so-fast movement. Hey remember when those huge puffy jackets were in style? Thank God that’s over!

g. That feeling when you’re walking outside and you can see the red glow coming from your nose. Oh not to mention the teary eyes.

h. The fact that there’s really nothing to do in Amman in the summer but go outside makes winter a where-the-hell-do-you-think-you’re-going-in-this-weather season, unless you hang out at closed coffee places that get filled up with arguileh smoke that you can’t even see the people sitting across the table from you.

I think that’s enough whining. In the meantime, this is a post I wrote last winter when it was snowing, it was not so whiney so it should balance this one. What are your winter pet peeves? Favorite things?

Have a great season everyone! 

Do You Know This Guy?

I call him the Random Arab Dude, in case you don’t know him let me give you a few facts about him:

a. There’s really nothing, and I mean nothing special about him, he’s just a guy and he exists.

b. He hasn’t been to the barbershop for a while now.

c. He’s not happy, nor is he sad, he’s just, well, he’s fine.

d. He doesn’t wear colorful clothes and prefers beige.

e. He’s not tall, not that short either, but he’s below average.

f. His clothes are one size larger than they should be.

g. He hasn’t bought a new pair of shoes since forever.

h. In general you can say he’s not that financially stable or at least he doesn’t seem like he is rich or wealthy.

i. He’s kinda ok with all that and you can consider him “at peace”.

So where do you find this guy? (I know you’re not really interested in finding him but I’m just saying), here’s where to look:

1. Go to the ATM with a friend or so, let them get some cash and stand a couple of meters away. That dude trying to figure out how much money your friend has in his/her account is a RAD. Is he squinting? There you go. Now he’s not some thief who wants to get the PIN in order to steal the card later, he just wants to know how much money people have, how much they need, how much they took and maybe if they want a receipt with that transaction.

2. If you’re standing in a queue, let’s say you want to pay bills and you have the invoice with you. Can you feel someone breathing down your neck? When you look over your shoulder do you see someone’s head? Another RAD. He’s harmless; he just wants to know how much you’re paying for electricity or whatever.

3. You find a parking spot that is exactly the size of your car so you’re trying to squeeze it in, and while you’re not that good at parallel parking you can do just fine when you don’t feel like someone is watching you, except RAD is right there watering the plants and paying attention to your every move, until you step out of the car.

4. You’re walking in the street and get your skirt (sorry guys) caught in some bushes so you trip and almost fall flat on your face, you pull your skirt, pick up what’s left of your dignity and pray that no one saw that flower you doodled on your leg when you were bored and forgot to wash, think again, RAD is right there, he even feels sorry for you.

5. Your friend bought something faulty and wants to get a refund and they’re having an argument with the salesman at the store while you’re standing there, the RAD is the audience, he will probably go home and tell his wife about this fight he saw today at that store and what was wrong with your friend’s item.

6. Now you have to watch Jordan TV’s 8 o’clock news cast to get this, the correspondent is reporting from a street in some Jordanian city about how, let’s say everyone is really happy that it snowed (classic JTV news cast where they show you clips of kids playing with snow from the 1991 season) who’s there to demonstrate those feelings of joy? Around 10 RADs standing behind and next to the reporter either waving at the camera (maybe with a victory sign or two), smiling goofily or being all cool and laid back staring at the camera with absolutely no expression on their faces whatsoever.

Please don’t tell me you still don’t recognize the guy! He’s particularly everywhere! (Either that or I'm going insane.)

Disclaimer: I'm not really talking about this particular guy in the picture! He just happens to look similar.

Urges

Psychologists help me out here, what is it with human beings and this urge to do the exact opposite of things they are told to do? I mean, it’s supposed to be easy “don’t go there” you just don’t. go. there! So why is it that hard? Examples?

1. “Caution! Wet paint, do NOT touch”, the first thing you, I, we, think of is “hey, let’s see if it’s really wet or they’re just fooling us, oh no sir I’m not falling for that lie, I refuse to believe that this paint is wet unless I see for myself”, then you just touch it with your stupid index finger and whaddya know! It is wet!

2. This: 

3. “Ladies dressing room”, “Ladies preparation/recovery room”, “Ladies only”. I saw this in the hospital, we were a couple of pale sick girls/women in hospital gowns waiting for our misery to end in the prep room, pale I tell you, ugly! And this man just kept peeping every time a nurse came in and opened the door, what the hell do you want to see? Plus it’s “ladies only” for a reason, a good reason, you don’t see us peeping through the keyhole of the men’s room door!

4. 

The food is too hot, it burned my tongue

[Hey! Let me see if my tongue can handle hot temperatures more than his, I bet I have a higher threshold for pain]
OUCH! I burned my tongue!

:-S

5. “Listen dude, do NOT open that email I sent you at work, it’s NSFW, be careful okay?”, that would be like the first email you check, because, well, you shouldn’t! Next thing the poor guy knows you’re on the phone telling him off for sending you that email because your boss saw it and now you’re in trouble.

6. This one’s my favorite and you have to admit you do it as well, someone smells something really bad, they go “ewww that is disgusting” you immediately go to inhale as much stink as you can, why? I don’t know, we like to torture ourselves I guess.

7. You cut yourself, it hurts, but you can’t help but mess with the cut! You have a zit, you shouldn’t touch it, you can’t help but to! It hurts like hell but you need to, you even pretend that you accidentally touched it but you know your hand was there on purpose! You have a toothache and you still press on your tooth with your tongue, and that’s not because it helps with the pain (because it usually makes it worse) you know why? Because you SHOULDN’T.

I can think of so many examples other than those, what I can’t figure out is why we tend to do that.

Hey don’t comment on the post and don’t share it, you shouldn’t ;)

Poll: New Commenting System, Hot or Not?

So I was thinking Blogger's comment system is blegh and I want threaded view, I searched a little and dug up this tool for a better commenting experience, you can reply to comments, insert smilies, embed YouTube videos and show a link to your last blog post if you have one. Oh and most importantly: check spelling ;) (I swear that's not my secret reason behind the whole thing).

But since I'm the one writing the posts and you guys are the ones commenting on them, it's up to you to decide if I should keep it or lose it, so post a comment, any comment, here to test it and tell me what you think by taking the poll after you try to comment. 

Thanks a million!

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Shallowness...

How deep are we supposed to be anyway?

Isn’t shallowness a relative thing? For some people talking about beauty and looks is considered shallow, for others it might be their career or how they earn a living. Talking about sports is not so different either: for some people it’s annoying, for others it’s a passion, for some it’s a waste of time, for others, again, it’s how they earn their living.

So who decides what’s shallow? Are the things we’re interested in deep but the rest shallow? Or is being uninterested in what’s going on around us shallow?

Is not looking beyond the exterior shallow? Or is a person supposed to give a good first impression even when it comes to looks? Is it superficial to consider the way someone is dressed for a certain occasion? Doesn’t it show what that occasion means to them? Or are looks very overrated?

This started circulating in my head after the recent events in Gaza, lots of people showed absolutely no interest in what’s going on and instead went ahead talking about things like beauty pageants and singing contests, first I was thinking wow these people are shallow, but then I thought maybe they just have different interests, you don’t have to know everything about politics to be deep, it’s always good to have an idea about what’s going on the world but maybe after all if you don’t care, your knowledge would not make a difference would it?

I still can’t find a real way of measuring shallowness, I guess it can’t be measured; every person has his/her own world, their own life and they only get to live it once, so they might as well spend their time caring about the things they choose.

What do you think?

I Love...

Lovely Joyce has tagged me in this writing exercise, you're supposed to write about ten things that you love and then tag 10 people, and you know how 10 is never enough for me (seriously do I talk too much?) so I wrote more. Joyce wrote it in a little poem since she's so good at that and I thought a list would be dull so I wrote my own, ahem, poem… okay, rhyme. Well it's my first time so cut me some slack, I also added my own touch to it, a theme if you will, you'll figure it out as you read. Oh and consider yourself tagged if you like it :)

I love the scent of a fresh lemon cut in half

I love it when my best friends make me laugh

I love the smell of my shampoo, lotion and perfume combined

I love letting go of things, and leaving problems behind

I love the smell of grandma's home in Irbed

I love it when I'm over and she makes me sleep in her bed

I love the scent of a cake coming out of the oven

I love being twenty-five, more than I loved being seven

I love the fresh air in a smoke-free room

I love seeing a bride, holding hands with her groom

I love the smell of mom's cooking coming out of the kitchen

I also love eating it, when being so hungry has left me bitchin'

I love the scent of jasmines in the air of a summer night

I loved seeing a smile, of a little boy at the traffic light

I love the smell of mint, you can find it everywhere

But it gets fresher each time you smell it, I'm never sick of it, I swear

And I'm not forgetting cinnamon, add it to your tea or your sweets

Better yet bake it into cinnamon rolls, this is one of my favorite treats

Now go try to make your own rhyme

Whether you like mints, or even if you like thyme

Tell us about the things that you love

An olive tree, your home, or maybe a dove

And if you can't write it in a poem, try to make a list

But if you copy my post, I'll smash your face with my fist :)

Grammar Police

When I first talked about the most common mistakes Arabs in general and Jordanians in particular make when they speak English, people were divided into two parties; first, there were those who called me a showoff and said that I had no right to make fun of their mistakes, the "Opposition" if you will. And then there were the supporters, and they outnumbered the first type :) fellow blogger Seleucid suggested we start a grammar and spell-check campaign on Twitter, I didn't think it was a good idea then what with the amount of hate I got the couple of days after I posted the list.

Then, the more I got into Twitter the more mistakes I saw, and being the obsessive type that I am I started to lose concentration, Seleucid suggested it again and this time he said that we would do it nicely, and with people that we're comfortable with, "correct the mistake and add a hashtag so that we would be able to search for it and see our work at the end of the day", he said. Hanin, a really nice Tweep, who also hates seeing mistakes, agreed, and so did 5hadz (but this dude takes it to extreme levels), next, we were looking for a name that would sound cute and non-threatening, like the Grammar Nazis, for example :) and we ended up with "The Grammar Predators" lovely, yeah?

We started among us, for every tweet that contained a grammar or spelling mistake, we replied with the correction and a #GPreds tag, then each one started with her/his followers, and boy did that spread quickly!

By the end of the next day, we had annoyed a large number of people. And our team grew.

But the rules had to be established so Seleucid offered his help; this is what he came up with:

1. We are not a group of belligerence and hate. We seek to enlighten, to raise awareness.
   
2. Our path is to tell you the correct way, then you have a free choice on deciding to use any kind of grammar you want.
3. English is a second language to most of us, treat each case alone. Obvious mistakes for some are a pass for others.
4. Love your prey: Make the person understand it's for fun. And if he gets offended, it's your duty to ask and apologize.
5. Hashtag #GPreds. And try to add something fun and witty.
6. Always try to recruit your prey, make the campaign viral.
7. We have two goals:
   

-         To help people with poor grammar skills write better, and

-         To make lazy people more alert when tweeting

I'm posting this so that Tweeps who read this blog will understand what the GPreds are all about, and not take anything we say personally, in case they get GPredded someday.

If you're not on Twitter, and you've reached this line, I salute you! How did you do that? You should have stopped reading about 6 paragraphs ago :)

Update: For further explanation please refer to Seleucid's comment at the bottom of this page.

Sweet Dreams

Did you know that what you smell while you're sleeping can influence your dreams? Scientists say that a pleasant smell can actually lead to positive emotions in your dream and vice versa.

So, the next time you're having bad dreams, try sleeping on a fresh smelling pillow, or as I like to do, wear your favorite perfume or put on some scented lotion before you go to bed, I won't guarantee you sweet dreams, but at least there'll be a nice scent every time you turn or move in your bed :) 

I Don't Hate the Game, I Hate the Players

Every day I wake up a happy person, ready for a new day, and very thankful for what I have.

Then what happens?

I arrive to work.

Every day. Every day. Every frickin’ day.

25 Things About The Ugly Duckling

I was tagged for the first time by one of my favorite bloggers, Ola, so I’m supposed to write 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about myself. Sounds very fun, although I have to tag 25 people myself, I’m not even sure I know that many bloggers but anyway!

Here we go:

1. I’m skinny! Yeah I might talk about food and everything, but all my life I’ve been a handful of kilograms under normal weight.


2. I’m from Irbed, but I live in Amman, and still go to Irbed every month or so because a lot of my relatives still live there, and I love Irbed, way more friendly than Amman.

3. Unless I laugh till tears come streaming down my face at least once, it’s not a good day. I’m addicted to laughing.

4. You all probably know I love football, and want Argentina to win this year’s World Cup.


5. I may come across as arrogant and hard to approach, but I’m not, and it usually takes me a long while before I open up.


6. I don’t listen to Arabic songs, I have a different taste in music, some say it’s weird, some even say I’m arrogant, I’ll let you guys in on it someday.

7. I never ever eat garlic or anything with garlic, it turns my stomach and I become nauseous. I can’t even have sandwiches with mayonnaise that contains garlic, so in case you’re inviting me over for lunch, be sure to hide it if you don’t want your carpet ruined. Ya3 I know.


8. I sing while I’m driving, but I absolutely hate my voice, I cringe every time I hear it. It’s just annoying.


9. I can’t touch animals, insects or anything with a soul, I’m zoophobic, if a cat walks beside me I run away, but if it brushes against my leg I could faint. And I hate it when people say that it’s just a cat and it won’t hurt me, I’m not scared of being hurt, I’m scared of chicks and birds too, I can’t really explain it, it’s just the fact that they’re living creatures. But I wouldn’t hurt any animal, I don’t hate them.


10. I’m as far away from art as I can be, I can’t draw a picture to save my life, I can’t play any instrument and I’m horrible with crafts.


11. I switch moods as fast as you can say switch, I could go from crying to laughing real hard in seconds, it usually takes one joke or funny line.


12. I hate my job. But I love what it’s supposed to be.


13. My memory is perfect when it comes to dates and numbers, but horrible when it comes to first names. So I apologize in advance to all of you.

14. It sickens me to see someone throw trash out of their car, what you want your car to be clean but not the streets?


15. I also can’t tell a joke to save my life.

16. I speak Italian and I learned it on my own, I even got a certificate, something I always brag about, which annoys the hell out of some people.


17. I’m a very heavy sleeper. It’s a real pain for me to wake up. It’s also a nightmare for my parents to wake me up. I set multiple alarms with rock music that wake up the entire neighborhood except me.


18. Prime numbers make my skin itch.


19. Spelling and grammar mistakes make my skin itch, in Arabic and English.

20. I’m a sucker for chocolate, chocolate cake, chocolate muffins, chocolate anything.

  

21. I love anything with flowers, flower prints, flower jewelry, flower key chains, I have a thing for them. Now tell me these above aren’t cute.

22. Sometimes I think I’m invisible to some people, whenever I’m at the mall or walking in the street, I get pushed, shoved, or have my feet stepped on, the other day I was going up some stairs, and the floor was slippery, and this girl who was going down pushed so I almost fell all the way down, if that had happened, I don’t think I would be writing this right now, it was a very long distance.

23. My favorite food is wara2 dawali, (stuffed vine leaves) I can live on it for months.


24. I rarely watch movies, and I’d rate all of them 5-6/10


25. I love everything from ayyam zaman, I like to remember anything old, things that don’t exist anymore, I’m filled with deep longing for my childhood and things and places relating to it.


Wow now that was very self-centered but those are the rules, and I know I’m supposed to tag some bloggers, but I’m new to the whole blogging scene and I don’t know many bloggers, so, if you’re reading this, and you have your own blog, consider yourself tagged :) and have a nice day!

What Would You Do?

Alright people, let's see your different opinions on something fun for a change:

Let's say you and a friend (or more) were eating at a café or restaurant, you had a good meal, the service was not bad and generally it was an OK experience, the bill comes and they've added sales tax, service tax, a cover charge per person and all that's there to add, the bill totaled 18.25 JDs, you hand them a twenty, and they return 1 JD instead of 1.75 ignoring the whole thing

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Give your two cents.

UJ Website Fail

This is from the University of Jordan's website, the Faculty of Graduate Studies specifically. I wonder when we will start taking these details seriously.
Click on the picture to enlarge it.

Men of the World: Flaunt Your Facial Hair!

Have you guys noticed that lately it is becoming more acceptable for guys to care too much about their looks? A man's, ahem, "beauty collection" now is more than just his shaving cream, now they have facial scrubs, masks, sunscreen lotions, moisturizers and even toners! Hell I never use all those and I'm The Body Shop's biggest customer! Besides, who on earth uses toner?

Anyway, you can call me old fashioned but I liked it better when a guy had no idea what a scrub was, and thought an exfoliator was one of them car parts.

And that's not the worst part of the story yet, at least to me it's not. The thing that bugs me the most is that more guys are plucking their eyebrows now! Oh my God I have to say that I have a serious problem with a guy whose eyebrows are perfectly shaped like a woman's, you can call me an eyebrow-ist, a facial-hair-ist or even a plucko-phobic, but I can't stand it, guys are supposed to have bushy eyebrows, well not as much as this guy below but come on! 

Facial hair is one of the things that make a man's face, well, manly! Just leave it there.
If someone showed me this guy's face with longer hair for example, there's no way I'd believe he's a guy (and what's with the pouty lips?).

As usual, some slightly relevant Seinfeld scenes… 

What Are We Idiots?

You know when you’re watching a show like Oprah or the Tyra Banks Show for example, and they get to the part where they’re surprising one of their viewers at home? I hate that part, I cannot stand it! (actually I hate all parts and I stopped watching these shows a long time ago but anyway)

So the viewer, and let’s call her Habla is supposedly sitting at home (wearing her best outfit and having a really great-hair day) clueless that the presenter, and let’s call her Showprah, is gonna show up at her door and surprise her, but the point is, how the hell did the cameraman with his stuff get inside the house and capture that moment when Habla is casually unknowingly walking towards the door to open it? Is he invisible? Or is she that stupid that she lets anyone in and figures out what they want later? (Like this unsuspecting couple right here, even the "Oh my God!" Is fake)

They're showing you the inside of the house for God's sake! Now they should either stop doing that, and just tell us that their fans were surprised and all, or shoot the outside of the place and then after they're all shocked and in tears, they can start shooting inside! At least then, I wouldn’t feel like I need to beat the crap out of everyone who believes it that much. 

Strict Teachers Required!

So the other day I was checking my Facebook and looking after my crops and produce as usual, when I noticed this ad on the side of the browser:

For non-Arabic speaking readers, this roughly translates to
“Strict Arab Teachers
if you are a strict teacher, hurry and sign up for your name to be included in the Strict Arab Teachers Guide, and start receiving applications for education of students who are in need of strict teachers”.
(Excuse my bad translation here but this is the only way I could put it).

Does that seem regular to you? Cause it seemed kind of fishy to me! Anyway, I clicked the link to see what it's all about, apparently there's this group, I'll let you read:

(Click on the picture to enlarge it)

Notice that you can’t directly join the group unless you submit a request to do so.

Also, for those of you who will ask why my Facebook is in Italian, I happen to like it that way, and I did it because I need to brush up on my Italian every now and then, and no it’s not falsafeh, (Ayah I’m speaking to you here).

Here's the link to the Facebook group to read the complete info, and this is a link to the site, on which you will find this picture:

Read on here for more creepiness.

Now I don’t know about you, but those pictures made me really uncomfortable, and other than being intimidating, they sort of seem like they belong in “one of those sites” you know? Ones with perverse fantasies and whatnot.

Bottom line, and in case you don't speak Arabic or haven’t visited the site, apparently this is like a guide which gives parents access to the services of "strict" teachers\nannies! And they are recruiting, or whatever it is that they do, right now.

Now what do they mean by "strict"?

معلمات صارمات لتربية وتعليم ابنائهم باستخدام الاسلوب العقلي والعقاب البدني المدروس وحسب الاساليب التربوية القديمة المثبت نجاحها علميا وعمليا في تربية الاجيال السابقه بما يسمى العقاب المدرسي (الـفـلـكـه) ولكن شريطة عدم الضرب المبرح واستخدام العقاب كوسيلة تربوية فقط، وهو ما نضمنه لجميع اولياء الامور من خلال تعهد شخصي يلتزم به ولي امر الطالب والمعلمه التي يختارونها من خلال دليل معلماتنا المعتمدات من قبلنا

الأسلوب المتبع لدينا
وهو الأسلوب التقليدي القديم الحديث والذي مازال يثبت نجاحاته ألا وهو بما يسمى " الفلقه" ضرب المؤخرة

المعلمة التي تعاقب بهذا الأسلوب تقوم بالاستحواذ الكامل على تفكير طلابها حتى أثناء نومها في بيتها يبقى الطالب متذكرا ما طلبت منه معلمته خوفا من إغضابها ويقوم باتباع أوامرها كما طلبت منه ذلك دون تردد أو تواطىْ حتى لو طلبت منه النوم واقفا.. سيقوم بذلك تلبية لرغبة معلمته والاستماع لأوامرها. وهنا يأتي دور المعلمة بتحويل هذا الخوف لرغبه لإعادة التربية وتصحيح السلوك الهمجي لهكذا نوع من الطلاب

Teachers who will physically punish your kids, hold on, BY SPANKING them! According to them, this is the only effective way for parents to discipline their children, but they're guaranteeing that they will not be causing any harm or injuries to children!

They’re also saying that a teacher or a nanny that uses spanking for disciplining kids will take over their thoughts and will make them obey her even when she’s “sleeping at home” and spoiled brats will avoid embarrassment by doing what the teacher says they have to do!

So how does this thing work?

If you are a teacher, you send them your CV, and they take a look and see if you’re qualified enough to spank kids (you might wanna send them pictures of butts you previously spanked attached with your CV), then they list you in their guide, and parents looking for people like you, you freak, will contact them and ask for your, ahem, services. Also, this is limited to some Arab countries like Jordan, Egypt and Lebanon, and prices are US$20 per 90 minutes!

The whole thing is way too creepy, and I’m kinda curious to know what happens after someone registers with them, or at least contacts them.

Tell me if you find this normal

I Need My Brain Formatted

Facebook, Blogger, Wordpress, Twitter, Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo!, MSN, Google, Wikipedia, Flickr, Windows Outlook, Internet Explorer, Chrome, FireFox, E-mail, Tweet, post, comment, tag, app., inbox, outbox, spam, junk, sent, deleted, login, sign in, refresh, reload, send\receive, forward, reply, bookmarks, favourites, new window, new tab, nudge, Online, Busy, Idle, Away, Offline, exit, logout, sign out, close page, close window, Shut Down...


How many days can you live without your computer?

The Ugly Duckling Goes Floral

The Blog of the Ugly Duckling decided to get a makeover :) so in celebration of the spring season, he decided to go floral. Hope you like it! Say na3eeman :)

Thank God for: The Mute Button…

Probably the best thing since potatoes, this is the most important button on any remote control unit (or computer).

Sometimes when I’m watching TV, when the commercials come on the sound gets really loud, so the best thing to do then is pressing the mute button. And speaking of commercials, I can’t figure out how they suddenly became so annoying that I can’t even stand them. In the past (here we go with the nostalgia again) we used to be so happy when they came on, and in the days before satellite dishes came to Jordan, I never used the mute button, it was one of those dangerous buttons on the remote that we’d be scared of pressing (like the teletext one which freaked the heck out of us when we accidentally pressed it) heck we used to look forward to the ads on TV, now they’re just lame, annoying, noisy and plain pathetic!

Also, while we’re on the mute button subject, long live pacifiers! They’re like a mute button for babies, I don’t care if they supposedly cause the baby to have crooked teeth in the future, they’re just pure bliss, and I wish parents would start using them for 4-5 year-old children.

Your Ultimate Guide to: Posting a Photo Album on Facebook

Alright, so you’re a girl, and you’re going to post your pictures on Facebook, what you need to know is that you can’t just take a picture wherever you are and however you look and just post it, you need to pose for photos in certain ways, that is if you wanna be like the rest of Facebook community girls, and now I’m going to teach you how :)

1. If you recently graduated from university, you have to (and by have to I mean that you’ll never find that 3arees if you don’t) post your yearbook photo, with the graduation robe, and make sure the lining of the sleeves is included in the photo, you want the 3arees to know which faculty you graduated from don’t you?

2. Now, go get some black eyeliner, smudge black eye-shadow on your lids, done? Get that camera and take a picture of your eyes, make sure you neatly plucked your eyebrows though, they're a necessary element in the picture.

3. Akeed you have a favorite big teddy bear sitting on your bed right? Go sit behind it, cuddle it, say cheese (or not) ok.

4. Now let’s pretend there’s absolutely no one there to take your picture, again, get the camera, stand in front of a mirror, NO smiling, now try to look like the whole world is against you, there you go.

5. You have got to have a photo of you putting your hand on your cheek, it’s the default.

6. You also need to take your own picture from up above, looking up, because we’d really like to know how people who are one meter taller than you see you.

7. You’ll need your best friend for this one; now both of you pucker up, smokin’ hot.

8. Now you finally blow-dried your hair, we need to immortalize the moment, play with your hair and mess it up while your photo is being taken. Shattoora.

9. So you finally got a car (or a driving license), the photo of you driving the car is the only way to let people know, you know.

10. Finally, the next time you go out, remember to have your picture taken while you’re grabbing any metal object, preferably a pole, don’t forget to do the victory sign with your fingers and move your hip backwards for a “provocative” look.

For the record, as much as I wanted to post some real pictures from our Arab Facebookers to show the real thing, el mawdou3 momken yseer 3aleh takh w hek ashya2, so I got these from those famous photo sites, 3ashan ma 7ada yeeji y2olli “where did you get my picture you perv?” and for the record also, you have no idea how hard it is to find pictures of fully dressed girls on the internet :( it seems that the word “girl” is replacing “naked girl”, le ghayaat al ekhtesar only.

Venting Some Steam

This goes to every patronizing A-hole who thinks they’re better than waiters, busboys, delivery guys, valets, cleaning ladies, janitors, mail men, maids and any other person who earns a living working their butts off to help us.

To the guy who yelled at the valet outside a restaurant because he wasn’t paying attention.

To Jerk who called the restaurant to bitch about the delivery boy because he was late due to a mistake made by the girl who took the order, and almost got the guy let go.

To the people who through the tips at waiters like they’re slaves.

To every piece of crap who thinks he’s better than them because his shoes and watch cost more than those people’s homes.

This is to the girl who yelled at the cleaning lady who’s probably 30 years older than she is.

To the arrogant boss who cursed at his employees in the hallway last week.

To the woman who keeps shouting at her maid in front of everyone to get her to clean.

This goes to everyone who uses the words “do you even know who I am?”

And to everyone who brags about how much their stuff costs.

I say: first of all, if you can’t find something other than your shoes to be proud of, then maybe there no more to you than just a pair of shoes.

And second, just leave the damn price tag on it, we’ll take a look and based on that decide how we should treat you, after all isn’t that what you basically do?