Sunday, November 7, 2010

Driving Me Crazy

There are 10 types of drivers you are bound to encounter when you are driving in the streets of Amman, now when I say Amman it's because I’ve only ever driven here so these are probably everywhere, but I’m going to list them from my point of view:

1. The Bully: a guy driving an SUV, he chooses when you stop and when you move, especially if you are a type 2 (see below), he couldn’t care less about car accidents so move out of the way for your own sake.

2. The Bullied: a male or a female in a small car, or a female in any car but with a look of hesitation on her face, type 1 guys always bully this driver, you’ll know what I mean if you ever see a scared girl in a hatchback waiting for drivers on the main road to let her merge. But you know what happens when the bullied kids get some extra cash don’t you? (No, they don’t found a stratup) they, become, bullies.

3. The Multitasker: sorry guys but this will never be a male, you just cannot do it! It’s a mom, with a kid or more in the back seat, they’re playing with their toys, one kid wants her to open that bag of potato chips, the other is holding the huge balloon he just made her buy in her face, she’s also on the phone planning for dinner with her sister-in-law, now supermom wants to get out of the Burger King Drive Thru and make the u-turn right before the 6th circle, familiar? Thought so.

4. The Married-to-his-Car: this dude spends more on his car than anything else in his life, he washes it more than he washes his hands, don’t you dare come near it, he’d be parked somewhere and your car is parked next to his, you’re getting out and he’s anxiously watching you like you’re going to smash his baby without mercy. 

5. The “they told me the streets come free with my Mercedes-Benz”: well they didn’t tell him but he just assumed, he either spent a fortune on his car or has made a commitment to pay over half his paycheck for the next 75 years of his life for it, so either get out of the way, or go buy a more expensive car. 

6. The Rich Khalto: oh yeah, they’re here too, Khalto has a brand-new BMW X6 that hubby just got for her on her 50th birthday, it’s 10 a.m. and she wants to go meet the “girls” at Starbucks, not a single hair is out of place, nails are perfectly done and the lipgloss tube was just emptied on her lips, don’t you dare honk your horn at her when the light turns green, or the mascara wand will go right into her eye you imbecile. 

7. The Stole-the-Car: either a guy or a girl, daddy’s out of town and they took the car, one little scratch and dad will find out all about it, you’ll have a heart-attack if you drive behind them at 20 kmph.

8. The Sexist: once this guy realizes you’re a female driving in front of him he goes insane, suddenly every move you make becomes wrong and stupid, he starts honking and cursing the person who gave you your driving license and the day they let girls drive, he’ll get even angrier if you smile so do just that. 

9. The Daredevil: as the name implies, it’s usually a reckless dude or a girl that started driving recently and has already been in a dozen accidents so one more wouldn’t matter, and they’ll admit it too, “Rand, wear your seatbelt” says my friend, as we were waiting for the red light to turn green, “you’re gonna need your seatbelt”. 

10. The Obsessive Compulsive: parks the car, gets out of the car, gets back into the car, brings the car closer to the curb, gets out of the car, gets back into the car, moves the car closer to the car in front of it, gets out of the car… you get it. 

Any types I missed?

* I’m probably more than one type of the above, but I’m not going to say which one(s).
** I love my daredevil friend, she is awesome and very pretty and her hair looked really nice that night :*