Thursday, August 19, 2010

20 Things I would Like to Stop Hearing About

(Or reading for that matter)

1. Why Apple is better than Microsoft and why Microsoft beats Apple.

2. How a Hijab restrains women’s freedom and the ban Hijab/allow Hijab war.

3. The heat: it’s summer, what did you expect? We bitched a little when the wave started but enough now, it’s getting old.

4. How you’re an activist, I’m sorry but tweeting about Palestine, women’s rights and so on is not considered an action of activism.

5. Your diet! So you can’t have chocolate cake, boohoo.

6. Why your job sucks more than mine, all jobs suck.

7. Your location at the moment, yes Foursquare and Gowalla users I’m talking about you, it’s too much info for me to know that you’re in the toilet right now. (People who use both: Seriously?)

8. Why you’re a “social media expert”, oh guess what, I have accounts on Facebook, Twitter and Blogspot! Looks like I’m a social media guru. Also, how you’re an entrepreneur and whatnot.

9. How you love your Gmail. And why everyone should switch to it ASAP! I don’t see Hotmail users dying.

10. Every single movement of your baby. Really? He had his first snickers bar today? Awww he’s playing in the bathtub? DO TELL MORE!

11. Why the entire country “needs to be burned”. Start with improving yourself before you complain about others, or better yet, if you can’t stand it, leave it.

12. How you’re pissed that you got a driving ticket, guess what, you were parked in a no parking zone.

13. Every single thing you eat and drink. Don’t you have anything else to talk about? Just talk about the specials, that would be enough.

14. The oh-so-awesome and endless features of your oh-so-awesome shiny new gadget.

15. Your significant other’s flaws. 3eib!

16. How you’re helping the poor and feeding the hungry, you shouldn’t be bragging about this, the whole point of giving (especially if you’re doing it for Allah) is to keep silent about it. You can encourage people to give without saying that you do.

17. Criticism of every word that girl you hate says, and what she does, okay, you hate her, doesn’t mean that all her actions are wrong!

18. The fact that you’re funny, kind or cool. I think people should decide that don’t you? Who the hell calls himself “funny”?

19. How you're an amateur photographer. Again, sorry, but your Facebook profile picture that people said was nice is not considered photography. 

20. How you can't get the girls/guys to stop following you and expressing their admiration.

Let’s see, is there anything left for people to talk about or did I just ask people to stop talking?

Let me do some talking:

I am a funny, cool activist and entrepreneur, I LOVE my new phone and my new laptop and the operating systems on both of them, they help me with my social media career, especially when I’m at my office in Amman. Which I’m glad has AC because this heat wave is making my brain melt inside my skull, although the job sucks and I hate this girl at work who’s really fat and should go on a diet, speaking of diets, I’m soooo craving some cheesecake right now but I can’t have any :’( although I did have some atayef last night, but that was only because I was so upset because the stupid policeman gave me a parking ticket, I’m so glad I’d already dropped my friend and her super cute baby, because I can’t handle seeing him cry, he’d just had his first falafel sandwich, I told her to email me the amazing pictures that I took of him on my Gmail, it’s sooo much better than Hotmail, I can’t believe I was living with it for years! I finally got rid of those stupid emails that this stalker has been sending me, I’m telling you, all guys should be shot, then we would have a nice country to live in, oh except some girls must die too, I guess that’ll leave me, my family and some friends, but I would leave the poor people, because I LOVE to help the poor, the other day I saw this… Get what I’m saying?