10 People the World Would be Better off Without

Much better, actually close to awesome. So if you see or know one, help us save Jordan’s future and smack them on the head until their malfunctioning brain shuts completely and then try to talk some sense into them. Or better yet, kill them.

1. The texting street-crosser: I almost got into an accident the other day, the car in front of me stopped suddenly, the car in front of him stopped suddenly, the reason: girl crossing the street at 1cm/hour speed while texting. What’s worse is that she couldn’t even bother to turn her head and look at the car that almost ran her over. I wanted to stab her with that heel she was wearing.

2. The salary investigator: what difference on earth does it make if I (or anyone else for that matter) get paid a hundred JDs or a thousand JDs? As long as I’m not taking your money, not working for you, not stealing... etc. is it really your business? Those people go as far as making friends in payroll departments in their companies just to know how much everyone gets paid and where their salary goes. Curiosity? Okay, but when they start nagging each time someone in the company gets a 5 JD raise, smack them on the head etc. Or better yet, get a hold of their salary slip and ask them about each and every detail on it.

3. The family package wedding guest: really? You couldn’t find someone to babysit your 5, 3, and 1 year-old kids so you brought them with you? Oh okay, they’re so cute and quiet anyway. What? I can’t hear you with all that crying! I can get it when it’s a close relative (who should call and say she won’t be able to make it because she has no babysitter to which the host will respond that it’s okay if she brought her baby, and who will leave the moment the baby starts getting grumpy) but when you invite someone, and they tell you that they’re bringing their kids period, or when they won’t even bother to tell you in advance, hire a bouncer that will smack them on the head etc.

4. The delivery guy in the car that is small enough to fit under your right side mirror, they are getting worse than taxi drivers, and you thought no one can beat those. Suddenly they’re all so dedicated to delivering fresh, steaming hot meals that they would be willing to endanger everyone else’s life. The problem is, you order some food, and it always arrives cold! Take off their cap and smack them on the head etc.

5. People who talk to you while you’re on the phone: what is it? Is it that you think you and your stupid topics are more important than anything else? Is the phone somehow invisible to you? Or do you think I’m holding the phone close to my ear as an accessory? I should smack you on the head with it.

6. Moms who only ever talk about diapers, babies, diapers, milk, formula, diapers… A lot of my friends happen to be moms, yet their conversations aren't limited to the baby and the baby only! Sure, babies are cute, but when you only have one thing to talk about, you, my friend, need to be smacked on your baby-spit-covered head.

7. People who click spam links on Facebook: for crying out loud, you will never be able to check who viewed your profile, I don’t want to check who viewed my profile, I don’t care what happened to that girl when her dad ate her sandwich, and Facebook will not make an app that makes your friends send you links to let you know they added a dislike button! Yes you will say that it was sent automatically on your behalf but guess what? THAT IS WHAT SPAM IS ABOUT. Just DON’T. frickin’. click. the. damn. link.

8. This guy.

9. People who bring their kids to the mosque: you want to teach your kids how to pray then good for you! But disrupting other people’s prayers is just wrong, whether you’re a man or a woman, if you have no place to keep your baby, STAY AT HOME. You’re doing more harm than good. I’m pretty sure I will nag about this more come Ramadan and Taraweeh prayers, since some women bring infants who won’t stop crying to mosques.

10. Men who will stare (gawk, actually) at any drop of estrogen that walks by: especially those with a girl (woman) sitting beside them! She wears skimpy clothes, they stare, she wears modest clothes, they stare, she wears a tent, they stare. I’m too disgusted to even smack them on the head!

Next time I’m in a whining mood, I’ll add another bunch of people to this list. We all need to take part in smacking those people so hard their heads will go to Greece and return, maybe in a couple of years Jordan will be idiot-free!