10 People the World Would be Better off Without

Much better, actually close to awesome. So if you see or know one, help us save Jordan’s future and smack them on the head until their malfunctioning brain shuts completely and then try to talk some sense into them. Or better yet, kill them.

1. The texting street-crosser: I almost got into an accident the other day, the car in front of me stopped suddenly, the car in front of him stopped suddenly, the reason: girl crossing the street at 1cm/hour speed while texting. What’s worse is that she couldn’t even bother to turn her head and look at the car that almost ran her over. I wanted to stab her with that heel she was wearing.

2. The salary investigator: what difference on earth does it make if I (or anyone else for that matter) get paid a hundred JDs or a thousand JDs? As long as I’m not taking your money, not working for you, not stealing... etc. is it really your business? Those people go as far as making friends in payroll departments in their companies just to know how much everyone gets paid and where their salary goes. Curiosity? Okay, but when they start nagging each time someone in the company gets a 5 JD raise, smack them on the head etc. Or better yet, get a hold of their salary slip and ask them about each and every detail on it.

3. The family package wedding guest: really? You couldn’t find someone to babysit your 5, 3, and 1 year-old kids so you brought them with you? Oh okay, they’re so cute and quiet anyway. What? I can’t hear you with all that crying! I can get it when it’s a close relative (who should call and say she won’t be able to make it because she has no babysitter to which the host will respond that it’s okay if she brought her baby, and who will leave the moment the baby starts getting grumpy) but when you invite someone, and they tell you that they’re bringing their kids period, or when they won’t even bother to tell you in advance, hire a bouncer that will smack them on the head etc.

4. The delivery guy in the car that is small enough to fit under your right side mirror, they are getting worse than taxi drivers, and you thought no one can beat those. Suddenly they’re all so dedicated to delivering fresh, steaming hot meals that they would be willing to endanger everyone else’s life. The problem is, you order some food, and it always arrives cold! Take off their cap and smack them on the head etc.

5. People who talk to you while you’re on the phone: what is it? Is it that you think you and your stupid topics are more important than anything else? Is the phone somehow invisible to you? Or do you think I’m holding the phone close to my ear as an accessory? I should smack you on the head with it.

6. Moms who only ever talk about diapers, babies, diapers, milk, formula, diapers… A lot of my friends happen to be moms, yet their conversations aren't limited to the baby and the baby only! Sure, babies are cute, but when you only have one thing to talk about, you, my friend, need to be smacked on your baby-spit-covered head.

7. People who click spam links on Facebook: for crying out loud, you will never be able to check who viewed your profile, I don’t want to check who viewed my profile, I don’t care what happened to that girl when her dad ate her sandwich, and Facebook will not make an app that makes your friends send you links to let you know they added a dislike button! Yes you will say that it was sent automatically on your behalf but guess what? THAT IS WHAT SPAM IS ABOUT. Just DON’T. frickin’. click. the. damn. link.

8. This guy.

9. People who bring their kids to the mosque: you want to teach your kids how to pray then good for you! But disrupting other people’s prayers is just wrong, whether you’re a man or a woman, if you have no place to keep your baby, STAY AT HOME. You’re doing more harm than good. I’m pretty sure I will nag about this more come Ramadan and Taraweeh prayers, since some women bring infants who won’t stop crying to mosques.

10. Men who will stare (gawk, actually) at any drop of estrogen that walks by: especially those with a girl (woman) sitting beside them! She wears skimpy clothes, they stare, she wears modest clothes, they stare, she wears a tent, they stare. I’m too disgusted to even smack them on the head!

Next time I’m in a whining mood, I’ll add another bunch of people to this list. We all need to take part in smacking those people so hard their heads will go to Greece and return, maybe in a couple of years Jordan will be idiot-free!

The Real Truth Behind Hairdressers

In Amman. Or at least the ones I was fortunate enough to go to during my, let’s say 20 years of going to salons.

Let’s start with the classic scenario: girl sitting with her girlfriends “I’m going to get a haircut”

Friend number 1: Nooo whyyy? Your hair looks great now!

Girl: really?

Friend number 2: of course! You look so much better with long hair.

Girl: oh okay! (she’s happy) I guess I’ll just get it trimmed then.

Girl goes to the salon:

Source

Of course the hairdresser will also ask the girl where she got her hair cut the last time and keep going on and on about how awful the previous hairdresser was at her job.

On the other hand, if a girl goes to a male hairdresser:

Source

And the way I imagine guys have it:

Source

* Now until I learn how to draw these things all by myself (which is hmmm I’ll say 53 years from now), I’m going to Google the images and add the text to them, not fancy I know, but I think you’ll get my point without me having to spend weeks to get one post done :( so in the meantime, please ignore those watermarks!

On Lameness...

I should probably start criticizing guys before my own gender turns against me, but lame girls are everywhere and they don't seem to be getting better. Here's a list of things that lame girls will never stop doing:

1. Fishing for compliments: there will always be lame girls who fish for compliments all the time, I think it’s okay to do it sometimes if your self confidence is falling apart, and by sometimes I mean maybe once every couple of months, but to continue doing it all the time is just pathetic. Take girls with ever-changing Facebook profile pictures for example, pictures that show nothing else but the girl, I mean come on! Who has 365 photos is her profile pictures album? We already know what you look like from every angle.

2. Gossiping about other girls behind their backs: ok not just lame girls, we all do it, we talk about each other, we even talk about girls that we actually like, but we don’t spend as much time talking about them as girls that we don’t like.

3. Falling for guys that treat them horribly: which is the reason some really nice guys pretend they’re badass (that’s lame too but you can’t really blame them). It’s becoming guys’ rule when approaching a girl.

4. Faking sadness: just to draw attention, and they probably have a certain person in mind whose attention needs to be drawn, that guy is usually following the rule in point 3. Just look at girls with :’( or :( on their status updates, if this girl ever replies to your “what’s wroooooooongggggg??” comment it’s either going to be a broken nail or the fact that she has to wake up early tomorrow morning so stop commenting you loser you’re only giving her what she wants and you’re probably the reason these girls still exist.

5. Realizing they like a guy only after someone else comes and takes him: they don’t actually like him, but they were hoping he liked them, and when he’s with someone else that either means he doesn’t anymore or that he never did in the first place. You’d think that one member less in their “imaginary fans” club (which has a hundred members by the way) wouldn’t make that much of a difference. Well it does.

6. Jealousy: it’s just the way things are; guys show off in front of each other, girls are jealous of each other, you can’t change that. Like those two girls in every company that are not even ashamed of being jealous of each other.

7. Faking affection: so much that you would think they’re best friends, they fake smiles, they fake hugs, they fake “sweeties”, “babes” and “honeys”, they even go out together, but they cannot stand each other. Take for example some distant relatives or cousins that pretend they’re really happy to see you at weddings and other social gatherings but start trashing you the minute you turn your back. (These usually come in groups).

8. Faking stupidity: because they think it’s “cool” to be clueless. Seriously? 

Any other girl lameness I missed?

Driving Me Crazy

There are 10 types of drivers you are bound to encounter when you are driving in the streets of Amman, now when I say Amman it's because I’ve only ever driven here so these are probably everywhere, but I’m going to list them from my point of view:

1. The Bully: a guy driving an SUV, he chooses when you stop and when you move, especially if you are a type 2 (see below), he couldn’t care less about car accidents so move out of the way for your own sake.

2. The Bullied: a male or a female in a small car, or a female in any car but with a look of hesitation on her face, type 1 guys always bully this driver, you’ll know what I mean if you ever see a scared girl in a hatchback waiting for drivers on the main road to let her merge. But you know what happens when the bullied kids get some extra cash don’t you? (No, they don’t found a stratup) they, become, bullies.

3. The Multitasker: sorry guys but this will never be a male, you just cannot do it! It’s a mom, with a kid or more in the back seat, they’re playing with their toys, one kid wants her to open that bag of potato chips, the other is holding the huge balloon he just made her buy in her face, she’s also on the phone planning for dinner with her sister-in-law, now supermom wants to get out of the Burger King Drive Thru and make the u-turn right before the 6th circle, familiar? Thought so.

4. The Married-to-his-Car: this dude spends more on his car than anything else in his life, he washes it more than he washes his hands, don’t you dare come near it, he’d be parked somewhere and your car is parked next to his, you’re getting out and he’s anxiously watching you like you’re going to smash his baby without mercy. 

5. The “they told me the streets come free with my Mercedes-Benz”: well they didn’t tell him but he just assumed, he either spent a fortune on his car or has made a commitment to pay over half his paycheck for the next 75 years of his life for it, so either get out of the way, or go buy a more expensive car. 

6. The Rich Khalto: oh yeah, they’re here too, Khalto has a brand-new BMW X6 that hubby just got for her on her 50th birthday, it’s 10 a.m. and she wants to go meet the “girls” at Starbucks, not a single hair is out of place, nails are perfectly done and the lipgloss tube was just emptied on her lips, don’t you dare honk your horn at her when the light turns green, or the mascara wand will go right into her eye you imbecile. 

7. The Stole-the-Car: either a guy or a girl, daddy’s out of town and they took the car, one little scratch and dad will find out all about it, you’ll have a heart-attack if you drive behind them at 20 kmph.

8. The Sexist: once this guy realizes you’re a female driving in front of him he goes insane, suddenly every move you make becomes wrong and stupid, he starts honking and cursing the person who gave you your driving license and the day they let girls drive, he’ll get even angrier if you smile so do just that. 

9. The Daredevil: as the name implies, it’s usually a reckless dude or a girl that started driving recently and has already been in a dozen accidents so one more wouldn’t matter, and they’ll admit it too, “Rand, wear your seatbelt” says my friend, as we were waiting for the red light to turn green, “you’re gonna need your seatbelt”. 

10. The Obsessive Compulsive: parks the car, gets out of the car, gets back into the car, brings the car closer to the curb, gets out of the car, gets back into the car, moves the car closer to the car in front of it, gets out of the car… you get it. 

Any types I missed?

* I’m probably more than one type of the above, but I’m not going to say which one(s).
** I love my daredevil friend, she is awesome and very pretty and her hair looked really nice that night :* 
 

Bon Appetit!

Skinny as I might be, I’m one of those people who really enjoy good food; I make up new recipes, alter old ones to my taste, I recommend restaurants and know exactly what a certain meal might need to make it better, at least from my point of view. 

 
Now what really annoys me is that type of people who always pretend they’re not enjoying a certain meal or snack, they would be hungry, eating and their taste buds would be having a party there but they go “I’m not really in the mood to eat”. YOU FINISHED THE WHOLE DAMN PLATE and you’re not in the mood?!

Then there’s the type that puts the smallest amounts of food in their plate (when there are people around) their meal would consist of one pea, 3 grains of rice and two cells of the poor chicken that sacrificed her life so that we can get our protein, and they would be eating like they are forced to eat, with that look that I’m sure you know on their face, I mean come on! Those layers of fat did not just appear there on your body while you were sleeping did they?

Ok how about those who try to justify being hungry? Ummm, not so sure here but I think all people get hungry? “I just need to eat because I’ll get dizzy, I don’t normally eat this” or “I’m only feeling hungry because I’m hormonal, I usually stay the whole day without having a meal”. Oh yeah I believe you, you also do not use the bathroom do you?

Now I know there are some days when people really don’t feel like eating, whether they’re sad, sick or any other reason that would make them lose their appetite, but to have that attitude the whole time? That is just sad! And we know it’s not true.

Let’s see who’s left, oh yeah the "أنا بشتري الأكل وبكبه" type (I buy food then throw it away), so you have money to buy food but you *cough* don’t eat, how about you give some to the poor? That is if you really are saying the truth.

If you can afford food, if you have food to buy, if you can eat food, chances are you’re luckier than most people on earth, so be grateful and for the love of God, just say you’re hungry and say that you like it, no one’s going to judge you! You’re making me lose my appetite.

*This post was brought to by the two impossible sandwiches from heaven I had yesterday, the grilled melted cheddar sandwich I had this morning and the piece of chocolate with bits of cherry inside that I was just randomly given. And now I leave you with the awesomeness that is random Foodporndaily.com pictures, enlarging is recommended.

The Ugly Duckling Goes Shopping

This is why sales people should be guys not girls.

Let me show you the difference as I imagine it,

Duckling walks into a makeup shop (because makeup makes the ugly duckling look ok :P)

- Angry girl in store, we’ll call her za3laneh, to herself: Oh no, here comes another one, I own all this makeup and she’s coming to take some of it without paying me a gersh.

- Duckling: Hello :)

- Za3laneh: … *rolls eyes*

- Duckling: I need to see the DucklingMakeupThingie in pink please?

- Za3laneh: … *Hands it to Duckling, rolls eyes*

- Duckling (with a cheerful tone): No I need the lighter pink please?

- Za3laneh (to herself): great, she wants the lighter shade, she knows that one is mine and I don’t want to give it to her but NO, she has to take it.

- Za3laneh: … *Hands one to Duckling*

- Duckling: That’s darker, I wanted lighter!

- Za3laneh: We don’t have lighter. (rolls eyes, thinks to self: why the hell would you want a lighter shade you look so ugly and you would look even uglier.)

- Duckling: okay thanks.

- Za3laneh: …

Duckling leaves the store, she spent $0 and angry girl in store is still angry.

Now Duckling walks into another store, also makeup to make it easier to compare,

- Happy guy in store, we’ll call him Sa3eed, to himself: New customer! I have to sell her as much products as I can!

- Duckling: hello :)

- Sa3eed: hello, how can I help you?

- Duckling: I need to see the DucklingMakeupThingie in pink please?

- Sa3eed: of course, we have this shade, this shade and this shade.

- Duckling: hmmm… *examines*

- Sa3eed: of course this one would suit you best in my opinion (please God let me be right) you can try it if you want to.

- Duckling: *tries* oh I like it.

- Sa3eed: if you want, you can take this shade too for evenings.

- Duckling: (what the hell does this have to…) oh okay!

- Sa3eed: you see this has protection and it won’t leave your beak chapped and dry.

- Duckling: Oh speaking of that I need beak balm!

- Sa3eed: do you want it transparent, translucent or colored? 

- Duckling: ooh let me see all of those.

- Sa3eed: this one is perfect for you; your skin seems to be… (Please God let her finish the sentence)

- Duckling: Dry! I have dry skin.

- Sa3eed: exactly what I was going to say, that’s why this one is the one for you.

- Duckling: *grabs it happily*

- Sa3eed: do you want me to show you our latest collection of feather trimmers?

- Duckling: ermm.

- Sa3eed: imported from Italy, no other store has it. (Rand: Oh you know you have a thing for Italian products too!)

- Duckling: okay!

… Etc.

Duckling leaves the store with $100 worth of makeup items she only needed one of, but she’s excited to try each and every one. She got robbed but she’s happy.

Happy guy in the store is happier, moves on to another innocent customer. And everyone is happy!

Ok, so why? Why this whole attitude with sales girls? Someone walks in, they say hello, have the decency to respond, or at least smile, this Jordanian kashra thing is getting too much, I mean you work in a store, you’re paid to do this, and customers are PAYING for what they take. Plus you most likely DO NOT own the store or anything in it for that matter.

In China they say “if you can’t smile, don’t open a store”. I think if we apply this 70% of stores in Amman will close!

Khaltoyat

First of all let’s define a bitter khalto: a bitter khalto is a married woman, usually in her fifties and up, she enjoys gossiping, loves weddings and secretly hates everyone else.

But that’s not all; a woman has to have certain characteristics to qualify as a full-time bitter khalto, and it’s not that easy being a khalto, you need skills and a certain lifestyle. Here’s how to do it:

1. Get rid of bright colored items in your closet, you need to dress like a khalto, get more black, brown, brass and the likes. If you wear a Hijab you might want to consider animal prints for that. Below is a list of colors you can mix and match, from Wikipedia.

 

2. Shoes with a metal buckle are essential, you can’t go without them: your shoes have to have anything metal on them. Also, if your heels don’t make a noise when you walk, get a nail and hammer it into the sole of your shoes, that’ll do it.

 

3. Now, let’s say you’re sitting in a waiting area (at a doctor’s office, etc) you need to stare at girls sitting there, and it’d be better if you look dissatisfied, unhappy, disgusted whatever el mohem you’re not amused and you don’t like the girl. Do not, I repeat do not smile at females, and pretend males don’t exist.

 

4. When shopping for groceries, the cart is your weapon, and people in the store are your enemies, so push damn it! You need to eliminate people getting in your way. PUSH I say.

5. So you’re waiting outside the fitting rooms for someone, and while you're sitting there (yes sitting of course, sit there and put all the bags on the ground, you can also take off one shoe) some girl comes out of the fitting room wanting to show her friend, sister, mother etc. what she’s trying on, try, as hard as you can, to make her feel that is the ugliest piece of clothing you have ever seen on the weirdest looking body. You want her to think “oh my God this must be so ugly how on earth did I pick it? I want to die now”, if you can mumble something to anyone next to you while looking at her that’d be better.

 

6. Now this is important, if you know any single girls, it is your mission to make them feel like failures, urge them to go to places where they can find potential husbands and tell them they could use more makeup because only then men will look at them, also, try to remind them that their lives are meaningless without a 3arees and that getting married is what they’re on earth for. 

7. Your daughter is an angel. She’s the best person on this earth. Period.

8. People who know all the latest gossip are your best friends, avoid the silent ones, you want people to come to you when they need info on someone, false info that is.

9. You’re the Godmother of everyone younger than you, and you get to tell people what to do and what not to do.

 

Now only when you have all the points above you’ll qualify as a bitter khalto, because there are other types of khaltoyat out there, some are really sweet and they’re good cooks who like to feed everyone and take care of the sick people, and others fall in between, now if you’re planning on following the steps above, remind me to stay away from you, I have enough shopping cart bruises. 

20 Things I would Like to Stop Hearing About

(Or reading for that matter)

1. Why Apple is better than Microsoft and why Microsoft beats Apple.

2. How a Hijab restrains women’s freedom and the ban Hijab/allow Hijab war.

3. The heat: it’s summer, what did you expect? We bitched a little when the wave started but enough now, it’s getting old.

4. How you’re an activist, I’m sorry but tweeting about Palestine, women’s rights and so on is not considered an action of activism.

5. Your diet! So you can’t have chocolate cake, boohoo.

6. Why your job sucks more than mine, all jobs suck.

7. Your location at the moment, yes Foursquare and Gowalla users I’m talking about you, it’s too much info for me to know that you’re in the toilet right now. (People who use both: Seriously?)

8. Why you’re a “social media expert”, oh guess what, I have accounts on Facebook, Twitter and Blogspot! Looks like I’m a social media guru. Also, how you’re an entrepreneur and whatnot.

9. How you love your Gmail. And why everyone should switch to it ASAP! I don’t see Hotmail users dying.

10. Every single movement of your baby. Really? He had his first snickers bar today? Awww he’s playing in the bathtub? DO TELL MORE!

11. Why the entire country “needs to be burned”. Start with improving yourself before you complain about others, or better yet, if you can’t stand it, leave it.

12. How you’re pissed that you got a driving ticket, guess what, you were parked in a no parking zone.

13. Every single thing you eat and drink. Don’t you have anything else to talk about? Just talk about the specials, that would be enough.

14. The oh-so-awesome and endless features of your oh-so-awesome shiny new gadget.

15. Your significant other’s flaws. 3eib!

16. How you’re helping the poor and feeding the hungry, you shouldn’t be bragging about this, the whole point of giving (especially if you’re doing it for Allah) is to keep silent about it. You can encourage people to give without saying that you do.

17. Criticism of every word that girl you hate says, and what she does, okay, you hate her, doesn’t mean that all her actions are wrong!

18. The fact that you’re funny, kind or cool. I think people should decide that don’t you? Who the hell calls himself “funny”?

19. How you're an amateur photographer. Again, sorry, but your Facebook profile picture that people said was nice is not considered photography. 

20. How you can't get the girls/guys to stop following you and expressing their admiration.

Let’s see, is there anything left for people to talk about or did I just ask people to stop talking?

Let me do some talking:

I am a funny, cool activist and entrepreneur, I LOVE my new phone and my new laptop and the operating systems on both of them, they help me with my social media career, especially when I’m at my office in Amman. Which I’m glad has AC because this heat wave is making my brain melt inside my skull, although the job sucks and I hate this girl at work who’s really fat and should go on a diet, speaking of diets, I’m soooo craving some cheesecake right now but I can’t have any :’( although I did have some atayef last night, but that was only because I was so upset because the stupid policeman gave me a parking ticket, I’m so glad I’d already dropped my friend and her super cute baby, because I can’t handle seeing him cry, he’d just had his first falafel sandwich, I told her to email me the amazing pictures that I took of him on my Gmail, it’s sooo much better than Hotmail, I can’t believe I was living with it for years! I finally got rid of those stupid emails that this stalker has been sending me, I’m telling you, all guys should be shot, then we would have a nice country to live in, oh except some girls must die too, I guess that’ll leave me, my family and some friends, but I would leave the poor people, because I LOVE to help the poor, the other day I saw this… Get what I’m saying?

10 Signs You’re an Awkward Turtle

Via the Doghouse Diaries

I tend to be really awkward when meeting people for the first time, this usually happens on the first and maybe second times I meet them but then fades away and I become the opposite, anyway, if you’re still unsure whether or not you are an awkward person, here are the major signs (I have most of them most of the time): 

1. When you meet someone new, the conversation goes like this:

You: hey
Them: hey
You: how are you?
Them: good how are you?
You: good how are you?
Them: :S

2. Your only response to compliments like “you look good today”, “I like your blouse”, “I like your scarf”, “I think you’re smart”, “you have such a beautiful skin”… etc, is a big goofy smile and possibly a “thanks” (which is not the way it’s done in the Arab world because there is a certain reply for every type of compliment.)

3. You respond to the phrase “it was nice to meet you” with a “hehe”.

4. When you’re about to meet someone important, you plan a whole nice conversation in your head with all the right things to say only to end up with the same goofy smile and a stupid look in your face that says “hey I’m probably the dumbest person you’ll ever meet so don’t even try”, you also slap yourself repeatedly after that meeting.

5. When you meet someone you’ve heard of but never actually met, you end up staring at their hair, eyes, nose… etc only because that’s not how you pictured them to be, in your stupid messed up mind that is, which makes them uncomfortable.

6. At social gatherings, you wait for people to come talk to you and invite you to sit with them, otherwise you’re just playing with your phone (which has nothing on it to play with so you start reading the old messages in your inbox).

7. If you meet another awkward person like you, you’ll probably need a third person to start a conversation or it’s going to be “it’s really hot today” “yeah, it’s the heat wave” “yeah”.

8. There were lots of instances where people changed the subject right after your valuable contribution to the conversation.

9. You want to call someone:

-hello?
-hello?
-hello?
-hello?
…

And there is nothing wrong with the reception.

10. You can’t order delivery to save your life!

On a final note, if you’re a guy, and one or more of the above points apply to you, when you meet a girl for the first time, please, please refrain from making jokes. I think you know that I have your best interest in mind.

The Ugly Duckling Goes to a Wedding Party

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Family weddings are all the same, same people, same songs, same food, only the bride and groom differ. My father’s family is a big one, so I have more cousins than I can count but still, all weddings are almost identical.

Female guests in my family’s weddings, as is the case in many Muslim weddings, are usually seated separately from the male guests, this is because many female guests wear the Hijab and can’t take it off in front of male strangers so to give women the freedom of wearing (or taking off) the dresses they want and baking their hair into cakes or growing it into trees, they separate them from the men.

This results in a very girlie atmosphere, and by girlie I don’t just mean dresses, makeup, jewellery and flowers girlie, no I mean jealousy, fakeness and gossip girlie as well, so here we go, another Ugly Duckling list;

Females you find in any Jordanian wedding:

1. The mother/sister of the bride: bossy, all over the place, busy as a bee, usually wearing a very sparkly dress with sequins of all colors, you can find her giving orders to the wedding photographer or the DJ and running around from table to another making sure everything is okay. Don’t get upset if she yells at you because she usually has no idea what she’s doing and most likely she won’t remember a thing she said after the party is over.

2. The aunt: sitting on a table close to the dance floor, with an “I’m not liking this” look on her face, although she’s enjoying every minute of it, criticizing the girls is what she’s there for, “her dress is too revealing”, “her makeup is too slutty”, “she shouldn’t dance when the groom’s still here” whatever she sees, she discusses.

3. The bride hunter: you know the type, she’s searching for the perfect wife for her son, she wants a girl who’s beautiful, educated, modest, kind and most importantly, obedient, oh and willing to marry her pathetic excuse of a son who lets his mother choose with whom he shares the rest of his life, also found very close to the dance floor because she needs to see girls dancing and showing off their, ahem, assets. She will push you if you stand in her way, and tap on your shoulder and tell you to move if you block her vision.

4. The “fishing for a husband” mother and daughter: the mother brings her daughter to attract the attention of number 3 above, the girl is dressed up in her best outfit, wearing really high heels because number 3 looks for a tall girl for her son for some reason. If you’re a woman and you say hello to the mother, chances are she’s going to bring her daughter and introduce her to you. While the girl acts shy and innocent, she probably has her eyes set on a certain guy already.

5. The outcasts: sitting on a separate table away from the rest of the family, usually hated because they’re either quiet, don’t like to participate in gossip sessions or unsociable (I’m usually with those because I never talk, this blog is different case) they enter the hall quietly and leave quietly and then numbers 2, 3 and 4 above start talking about how arrogant they are and how they think they’re better than everyone else (we don’t by the way, but now that I think about it, we kinda are better :P).

6. The little ones: oh God, girls under 12 years of age trying to act like grownups and have really long tangled hair, they dance between tables and get in your way whenever you try to move, their mothers will give you a lethal stare if you try telling them to move so try to find another route to wherever you’re going.

7. – 12. The opposition: all the 6 above only on the groom’s side of the family. The only thing different about them is the names. Oh and they hate 1-6.


**Update: apparently the lovely Whisper was at a wedding party recently too, for more on weddings click here :) told you Whisper, el 2loub 3nd ba3dha ;)

Trouble with the Troubled.

If you’re the kind of person that people feel comfortable talking to, then you’ve probably had your fair share of midnight venting calls, depressed text messages, cancelled days out with your friends, you get the picture.

I agree that putting friends first is a really noble thing to do (if and only if they are willing to return the favor, otherwise it’s just stupid) and to lend a listening ear sometimes is the one thing that your friends need most when they’re going through a hard time.

But… 

The thing that your friends need to understand is that listening all the time is not that easy and that it shouldn’t be compared to their original problem regardless of its severity. Sometimes they need to consider your feelings too, and what you’re going through in the first place.

For example (and I know this might sound selfish to some people) if a friend sees you having a good day after a series of bad ones, a good day that you’ve been waiting for, wouldn’t it be better if they just avoid, or at least put off, dumping all their troubles on you? Especially when you can’t help?

Also, what if you’re the kind that likes to keep things inside? Shouldn’t they at least consider the possibility that you might be facing some serious issues right now? That the last thing you need is more things to worry about?

The thing is, I was never the kind of person people like to open up and talk about their problems to, but in the past year or two things seem to have changed, and now I’m a troubles dumpster! I really don’t mind giving advice or listening to my close friends when they’re feeling down, but I find it really inconsiderate when this happens:

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(I'll be pink because it's really hot in Amman right now, and she'll be blue, because that's what she is, blue) 

[My phone rings]

-Hello?

-Hey Rand, keefek what are you up to?

-Oh hey I’m at my aunt’s, my uncle came from [wherever] and everyone’s here [noises from kids playing around and jolly family members laughing and talking all at the same time]

-So you won’t believe what happened at work today

-What happened? [Rand how do you like your coffee? Oh thanks khalto I don’t want any coffee now I’m okay] yeah sorry continue.

-I hate this job, that bitch ratted me out today, then we got into a fight, I think my boss is gonna…

-Hold on just a sec sweetie [can somebody hold this baby? he’s playing with the TV] okay continue

[She continues…]

*****************

Another case:

[I’m at a restaurant, having lunch with some friends just like the lovely ladies above, phone rings]

-Hello

-Hey Rand, ooh what’s that music around you?

-I’m having lunch with the girls hey come join us!

-No I can’t, I’m not feeling so good

-Why what happened?

-I got into a fight with my husband, he wanted to [do something that women hate] but I said [wife rejection] and he [husband angry action] and now we’re [couple trouble].

-Oh, well, it’ll be okay [Raaand, what are you ordering? –just a sec, umm, I want the grilled chicken] yeah you guys tend to work things out in no time don’t worry

-Yeah we probably will, okay thanks I don’t wanna keep you from your friends

-I hope you understand

-Laaa walek of course I do, yalla bye

-Bye bye

[Hey what did I order? -You said you wanted the grilled chicken! –did I tell him I don’t want any garlic on that? –ummm no! –crap!]

Half an hour later, I get a text message: “I feel horrible, I’m so blue, I don’t know what to do, I’m miserable, he sent me this, what should I reply… etc”

*****************

A different one:

[Again, phone rings]

-Hey Rand

-Hey [sniff, cough, sniff, moan, cough]

-What's wrong? You sound sick!

-I am, I was at the hospital a few hours ago

-Yee salamtek! I’m so sorry what happened?

- [This and that and then I got the other]

-Oh salamaat!

-Thanks

-So I feel awful

-Oh no don't! I'll be fine, I took my medication and the doctor said it's...

-You know how Whatsherface and I had a fight the other day? [Oh...] She’s been telling everyone that I said [stuff girls say when they’re mad at each other] so what does she think like I'm gonna...

-[oh God]

*****************

You see some people just talk about their problems because they want to talk, they don’t want help because they know you can’t help, they don’t want advice because they never take it, they don’t want an opinion because they already know what you think and they don’t want sympathy either! And that’s the type of people that can have such a negative effect on my day and mood, so you’re having a problem or you’re sad, I’m having fun, you don’t want advice or an opinion, you want someone to listen, maybe you should let me have my well-deserved good day and postpone this, or maybe you should talk to someone else, if I’m not going to be able to help with that problem, why dump it on me? I know you always have a hard time at work, poor you, but so does everyone, and I don't want to sound insensitive here but sometimes the listener needs to stop listening and start talking, so make sure you are there for your friends when they're the ones in need, or at least make sure they're ready to listen before you dump your load of problems that can't be fixed by them, on them.

**Stories in this post were twisted and turned to avoid hurting people's feelings, but they're so close to what actually happens so who cares yeah?