Friday, July 9, 2010

The Levantine Guy's 5 Worst Bride Choices...

Seleucid and I decided to collaborate on a "for him/for her" kind of post, we're listing the 5 worst choices you can make when choosing a life partner, his guide to the Levantine girl's 5 worst nightmares pretty much sums guys up, in my opinion.

But a guy can make bad choices too, it takes two to make a relationship or marriage work but it only takes one to destroy it, and sometimes that one is:

The Perfect Housewife ACEO Collage
1. The "perfect wife" prototype: this girl was fed "how to get married" ideas with her Cerelac, her mom's top advice was probably "always be prepared because you never know when the right guy sees you", she goes with her mom to every social gathering where there are mothers of marriage-ready sons looking for the perfect wife for their son. You never see this type with no make up or with unstyled hair, her mother promotes her like she's a commodity and she's known among other women for being a good cook.

My verdict: be prepared for the shock of your life when you eventually marry her and find out what she really looks like, her cooking is still good though, but you probably forgot what it tastes like since she hasn't cooked in months. Also, get some training on how to handle serious mother-in-law drama. Good luck with that.

Peach Paper Mario
2. The daddy's girl: of course! Most guys try to avoid her and her infinite demands, the spoiled girl wants to continue living the princess life her daddy always provided, only now with a loving husband, oh yeah she wants the whole deal, an upgrade to her previous life. Some guys still like the type, she'll probably cast the same spell on you that she cast on her dad when she was 4, batting her eyelashes and whatnot.

My verdict: sure, why not, if you like the type, but beware, if you can't afford it, your life can turn into living hell and she can be really mean if she doesn't get her way.

3. The "romance is for stupid people who are not serious about each other and are only in it for the saga3a": this one will show little or zero appreciation to nice gestures, you get her flowers, she says thanks, you ask why she's not swept off her feet, she goes "well what am I gonna do with a bunch of flowers? Wouldn't it have been wiser to get a new teapot with the money instead? You know our teapot's handle fell off!" … yeah she's probably been married for a while but there are lots of girls like that too, you try to hold her hand and she says you're both too mature to be doing that kind of things, you write her a poem and… khalas you get the idea.

My verdict: she'll get you frustrated if you're a romantic kind of guy, stick to someone sweet (which should be easy because sweets are sticky) or at least someone who appreciates a nice gesture, if you're not the type, she can be perfect for you and a very good financial manager to your home budget.

4. The "in it to win it": this girl wasn't a spoiled daddy's girl, but she heard from her friends that guys tend to shower girls with presents and that the more you demand from a potential husband, the more happy you're gonna be later, you make him realize that it's his duty to provide what you ask for and otherwise you're gonna say no and look for someone who will. So she goes too far, she wants the fancy wedding, a car, a maid, diamond jewellery, a lavish honeymoon destination, anything that she hears about but haven't ever tried having, she sees the engagement period as a chance to get as much as she can from you.

My verdict: don't fall into the trap and hand her your credit card, she won't be shy and she thinks you owe her (because she agreed to be with you), still, she can't stay that greedy for long… I think.

5. And finally, the nagger: who doesn't know her? You haven't complemented my new dress you always hang out with the guys when I need you most you don't care if I have a headache you think I'm too fat you think I'm too thin you don't like my family your mother hates me your sisters talk about me when I go you haven't said you liked the food you watch football too much you ruined the couch you spilled the juice you left the toilet seat up you flooded the bathroom with your shower water when are you coming home when will you start loving me as much as your friends.

My verdict? What verdict? RUN!

Don't forget to check out Seleucid's list for girls! :)


Anonymous said...

LOOOL...that was fun to read...

I've been with #3 & #5 ==> I ran ! lol

Whisper said...

LOOOL @ number 5...I have headache just from reading it :$

Allah ye3enoooo :)

I really hate #3.... men and women

Hussam said...

hahahaha .. good one :-)

(cool blog btw, just stumbled upon it today)

Haitham Seelawi said...

Why Levantine, Rand? Do not you think it is the same anywhere you go?

Rand said...

Thanks guys :)

Abed, running was wise, but keep in mind that all girl nag, bas b darajat mokhtalefeh ;)

Whisper, yeah but there are probably more men of #3 than women especially in the Middle East no?

Husam, you are welcome, but I believe this is not your first time here :)

Haitham, well it's because of the first type, you see more mothers preparing their daughters for marriage here than anywhere else sa7? Plus I can't say I know exactly how girls in the west are, but yeah I think most of them can also be found there.

ma3n said...

very interesting ! i'll try to stay away from those but who knows ? u can't figure out the ladies without spending too much time with them , so let's hope i get lucky ,, nice blog

Ahmad said...

lol my brother just married a number 2 lol allah y3eeno

Anonymous said...

Hehehe interesting

BuRashid said...

Well, I think every girl has a combination off all those types with different distributions.
My advice: be prepared to the worst, accept them as they are and live your life, don't try to change them, enjoy their contradictions, shape yourself for it, make it your choice, you will never discover them, if you one day predict what your lady will say/do, she is no longer a lady.
Thanks Rand for sharing your ideas.

Anonymous said...

My grumbling wife -
if only she were here!
This moon tonight...

Issa. (1762-1826)

Seleucid said...

All of them, in different degrees, show the Arab girl's dependence (Type 2 and 4 financial, type 5 emotional). Type 1 girls are competitive, and know that society expects them to win one thing, a la2ta husband.
The lazy lull Arab women have fallen into is a seductive trap. It's highlighted by wives who fly with their husbands abroad. Find themselves with hours of time, nothing in life to do.
I witnessed a whole generation of women, trying desperately to give life meaning. There's not much hope in ours sadly, all expectations lie in the next one

The Puppeteer said...

I've read only 2 posts as I've just been here today and they're both about types of women we men don't want to live with. I wonder if the writer is really a girl.

Nice posts.

Rand said...

I am a girl, I just say my mind, who knows girls better than girls themselves?

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