Sunday, July 11, 2010

Trouble with the Troubled.

If you’re the kind of person that people feel comfortable talking to, then you’ve probably had your fair share of midnight venting calls, depressed text messages, cancelled days out with your friends, you get the picture.

I agree that putting friends first is a really noble thing to do (if and only if they are willing to return the favor, otherwise it’s just stupid) and to lend a listening ear sometimes is the one thing that your friends need most when they’re going through a hard time.


The thing that your friends need to understand is that listening all the time is not that easy and that it shouldn’t be compared to their original problem regardless of its severity. Sometimes they need to consider your feelings too, and what you’re going through in the first place.

For example (and I know this might sound selfish to some people) if a friend sees you having a good day after a series of bad ones, a good day that you’ve been waiting for, wouldn’t it be better if they just avoid, or at least put off, dumping all their troubles on you? Especially when you can’t help?

Also, what if you’re the kind that likes to keep things inside? Shouldn’t they at least consider the possibility that you might be facing some serious issues right now? That the last thing you need is more things to worry about?

The thing is, I was never the kind of person people like to open up and talk about their problems to, but in the past year or two things seem to have changed, and now I’m a troubles dumpster! I really don’t mind giving advice or listening to my close friends when they’re feeling down, but I find it really inconsiderate when this happens:

Uploaded with

(I'll be pink because it's really hot in Amman right now, and she'll be blue, because that's what she is, blue) 

[My phone rings]


-Hey Rand, keefek what are you up to?

-Oh hey I’m at my aunt’s, my uncle came from [wherever] and everyone’s here [noises from kids playing around and jolly family members laughing and talking all at the same time]

-So you won’t believe what happened at work today

-What happened? [Rand how do you like your coffee? Oh thanks khalto I don’t want any coffee now I’m okay] yeah sorry continue.

-I hate this job, that bitch ratted me out today, then we got into a fight, I think my boss is gonna…

-Hold on just a sec sweetie [can somebody hold this baby? he’s playing with the TV] okay continue

[She continues…]


Another case:

The Girls having lunch!

[I’m at a restaurant, having lunch with some friends just like the lovely ladies above, phone rings]


-Hey Rand, ooh what’s that music around you?

-I’m having lunch with the girls hey come join us!

-No I can’t, I’m not feeling so good

-Why what happened?

-I got into a fight with my husband, he wanted to [do something that women hate] but I said [wife rejection] and he [husband angry action] and now we’re [couple trouble].

-Oh, well, it’ll be okay [Raaand, what are you ordering? –just a sec, umm, I want the grilled chicken] yeah you guys tend to work things out in no time don’t worry

-Yeah we probably will, okay thanks I don’t wanna keep you from your friends

-I hope you understand

-Laaa walek of course I do, yalla bye

-Bye bye

[Hey what did I order? -You said you wanted the grilled chicken! –did I tell him I don’t want any garlic on that? –ummm no! –crap!]

Half an hour later, I get a text message: “I feel horrible, I’m so blue, I don’t know what to do, I’m miserable, he sent me this, what should I reply… etc”


A different one:

[Again, phone rings]

-Hey Rand

-Hey [sniff, cough, sniff, moan, cough]

-What's wrong? You sound sick!

-I am, I was at the hospital a few hours ago

-Yee salamtek! I’m so sorry what happened?

- [This and that and then I got the other]

-Oh salamaat!


-So I feel awful

-Oh no don't! I'll be fine, I took my medication and the doctor said it's...

-You know how Whatsherface and I had a fight the other day? [Oh...] She’s been telling everyone that I said [stuff girls say when they’re mad at each other] so what does she think like I'm gonna...

-[oh God]


You see some people just talk about their problems because they want to talk, they don’t want help because they know you can’t help, they don’t want advice because they never take it, they don’t want an opinion because they already know what you think and they don’t want sympathy either! And that’s the type of people that can have such a negative effect on my day and mood, so you’re having a problem or you’re sad, I’m having fun, you don’t want advice or an opinion, you want someone to listen, maybe you should let me have my well-deserved good day and postpone this, or maybe you should talk to someone else, if I’m not going to be able to help with that problem, why dump it on me? I know you always have a hard time at work, poor you, but so does everyone, and I don't want to sound insensitive here but sometimes the listener needs to stop listening and start talking, so make sure you are there for your friends when they're the ones in need, or at least make sure they're ready to listen before you dump your load of problems that can't be fixed by them, on them.

**Stories in this post were twisted and turned to avoid hurting people's feelings, but they're so close to what actually happens so who cares yeah? 


Haitham هيثم Al-Sheeshany الشيشاني said...

Oh Rand, u r sO right (right * 100).
Is it our fault, I wonder :(

*** You won`t blv the day I had today "....... & .... then ....."


LIFE! Such is life.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for this fun, true, sad, and did i say true post? i was wanting to say just this, yet not actually say it. thanks for putting this down for me.

Anonymous said...

kinda true but how they're supposed to consider that you're facing serious issues if you're the kind that keeps things inside?

Amer S.

Anonymous said...

From a bathing tub
I throw water into the lake -
slight muddiness appears

Kawahigashi, Hekigodo. (1873-1937)

Rand said...

Thanks all,

Amer, I'm saying don't come and throw all your troubles at me until you're sure I'm fine, I don't have to say what's wrong with me but people who try to will know whether or not I'm okay.

Anonymous said...

100% agree, sorry for annoying, but my frnd told me to read this, she thinks you are talented, now i agree.
however, for me i keep silent, as you said they call or text just because they want call only, they like to mention that they are having very bad times!!! so what should i care? so i never talk about anything; if i need an advice then i will talk to have one otherwise i will not, honestly i have no trust in anyone.
i like to keep reading some of your articles if you dont mind.
thank you

Tamer said...

I know i don't like these negative-energy-spreading people, by the way it's not only girls, guys do it too. and i really don't get it, what's the point of telling me your problems if i cant help you at all? maybe you need to talk about some major problem from time to time, but for some people their life is nothing but a big drama, they will turn you miserable.
so unless this some one is really, really close to me, i will generally avoid these people.
i have my own problems, i don't need yours...

p.s. i really love how you express your feelings it's so strong, it's like you load, and load then: boom, you explode :)

Rand said...

Anonymous, you are welcome to the blog any time.

Thanks Tamer!

Anonymous said...

thank you

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