Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Warning: this is not a funny post, if you feel like reading something more upbeat, try reading the other posts :)
People are getting used to giving the same advice to everyone through different situations, sayings like “look at the bright side” or “try to see the glass half full” are becoming things you hear every single day from every single person who thinks they know every single thing about life. It’s always the same thing, the same lines, and they’re so overused that you feel people are saying them without even hearing the story.
Sometimes the situation calls for something other than seeing the bright side, maybe you do need to look at the dark one, what if the bright side is so small and so narrow but the dark one is consuming every last drop of your soul? And what if the glass is full, but is filled with tears instead?
I’ll get to my point here, when it comes to relationships, and marriage in particular, people seem to go by the rule above, if a man is not abusing his (let’s say) significant other, physically, then she has to look at the bright side; as long as he’s not hitting you, you should compromise.
Most girls become so weak when they fall in love, to the point where seeing the man’s flaws becomes impossible, their vision is clouded, and the smallest nice gesture that he makes can become so big that it obstructs vision, and the woman no longer sees the bad things as flaws. He could ignore her for days, and she would hurt, but upon the first bit of attention that he gives her, all that is done will be forgotten, “well he asked about me eventually”, what about the days you spent wondering whether or not he would notice you’re not ok?
Another thing is making excuses for him; she’d say “he’s going through a tough time and I should support him and be as understanding as I can be”, is going through bad times a good enough justification for treating people the wrong way? Does he treat other people that way because he’s having a rough time? No? Then why you? And what does the amount of money you have (or don’t have) in the bank have to do with him being cruel to you?
When things reach the point of emotional abuse, there should be no looking at the bright side, because chances are, in a few months or even years, there will be no bright side to look at. It’s amazing how we can become so blind that we don’t realize how miserable this person is making us and how numb we’re becoming inside, how one sick person can make a woman feel worthless, guilty and responsible for everything wrong going on in their relationship.
If you used to be a happy person, one who people look forward to see and have a laugh with, if you used to be like the sun, shining its rays and warming other people’s lives, but now you’re just a cold dark planet, because you are so consumed, so busy worrying and wondering how to please someone who just won’t be pleased no matter what, then maybe you should look at things from a different angle, and really think why people around you have changed, if you are who you used to be around them.
There are signs that can signal you being in an emotionally abusive relationship, these are some from lovesights.com you should check out the whole list there:
1. Your mate is angry or upset with you often, and you find yourself questioning everything you do as you do it, lest it angers him.
2. He refuses to discuss upsetting issues with you, and possibly accuses you of starting up a fight when you try to. Your issues therefore are never resolved.
3. He frequently misunderstands your intentions for something bad.
4. You often worry about him misunderstanding something you say or do that you are distracted from other important issues in your life.
5. You feel that there is something wrong with you.
6. Your mate rarely shares his thoughts and feelings with you, or refuses to.
7. He almost always disagrees with you.
8. You feel obligated to 'give in' just to keep peace.
9. You feel like your mate holds all the power in your relationship, and that you need to ask for permission to do things all the time.
10. You gradually see less of your family and friends; he often criticizes them and complains when you spend time with them.
11. You think that everything is your fault and that if you can somehow fix your flaws then everything would be okay in the relationship.
12. You would feel frightened if he knew you are reading something like this, or taking this test.
It only takes three of the above points to mean you’re in an emotionally abusive relationship.
If you think this is not as important and dangerous as physical abuse then you’re wrong, because it can get so bad that some women contemplate suicide, some also suggest that it usually ends up with physical abuse after all.
Where’s the bright side in that?
You can read some more here if you’re interested.