The Blog of the Ugly Duckling (upon the request of its readers, and keeping up with our policy of maintaining high levels of customer satisfaction) Presents:
Your Ultimate Guide to: Posting a Photo Album on Facebook (Guy Edition).
Now after I showed the girls what kind of photos they should upload on their Facebook accounts, some guys are left clueless as to what they should post (just pretend it’s true) and because we all really need to see your pieces of art, w wjouhkom el tayybeh, I decided you guys should get a guide too. So here it goes.
Picture#1: your Excellency at your office, because you’re a hard-working dude, and you have a nice desk, and sometimes you’re really busy and stressed out, so put your feet on the desk and lie back, we want to know what size shoes you wear.
Picture#2: your cool new shades, and it should be a close-up, also, try to get a reflection of the sunset on them, that’d be coolness at its very best.
Picture#3: your photo dressed in that one suit you own, at your friend’s (or brother’s) Jaha, who knows, maybe this photo will get you engaged some time soon.
Picture#4: you swimming in a pool with a big goofy smile on your face, and it would be even better if your friends are in the background acting weird.
Picture#5: you at your favorite café, wa yofaddal ykoun maqha sha3bi :) smoking Arguileh, and looking high
Picture#6: should you buy a new car, a picture of it has to appear on your profile within 10 minutes of its arrival. Period.
Picture#7: you know how “smokin’” you look when your barbecuing, we want a whole “hash w nash” album, with photos of tomatoes and onions, and a black plastic bag filled with trash, you know how we love those.
Picture#8: a picture that portrays the everlasting unspoken bond that you have with certain friends i.e. shellet el shaddeh, or those friends you play cards with.
Picture#9: the Mansaf photo. If you are a proud Jordanian, this is a part of your identity, the government (hello, Mr. Government) is contemplating making it the official photo used on the ID, you need to be elbow deep in Mansaf, with rice bits here and there, mind you I never eat Mansaf, so I might have some problems with this new decision.
Picture#10: any photo that depicts that dark phase you were going through during the Tawjihi year; unshaven beard, uncombed hair et violà, you’re good to go.
Picture#11: especially in the case of guys who go to work in Dubai, or go to study in a western country, your coolness is measured by how many pictures you have in the album “clubbing” or “partying”, how many girls are in the pictures, how many of those are blond, how many are half-naked, how many pictures of you being kissed by a girl (or two) on both cheeks while looking at the camera with your eyes wide, wide open (cliché) oh oh, and what type of drink you have in your hands. Basically the number of photos you’d get in trouble if your parents saw.
Well I wanted them to be 10 types, because who makes a list of 11 elements? (Also, 11 is a prime number and I have a problem with those, OCD alert!) but they’re all equally important, so there you have it. Recharge that camera and get to work.