Monday, February 8, 2010

Your Ultimate Guide to Producing a Jordanian TV Show

In order to have a successful Jordanian TV Series or Mini-series, you need the following components:

1. You need to use at least one of the following names for your characters: Fakhri, Mayyada, Su3ad, 3awwad, 3adnan, Jawad, 3abeer, Fawwaz, 3ezzat,3esam or Nabeel.



2. You need at least one "mudeer 3am sherkeh kbeereh" sitting on a rotating chair at his office.


3. There has to be a "safqa kbeereh mumken trabbe7 aw tkhasser el sherkeh 20 alf dinar, (usually bekhsarw and #2 has a heart attack).


4. there MUST be a "beautiful" secretary working for #2 usually Amal or Samaa7.


5. #2 and #4 (the CEO and his secretary) will get married in secret, he doesn't want any babies, she gets pregnant, they argue, he pushes her, she falls down the stairs and loses the baby, next scene is her lying in the hospital bed, a small wound on her forehead, the husband is sitting next to her with signs of both remorse and relief on his face and she's looking the other way.


6. The following scene has to be included:

-   wain kunt la hassa ya 3adnan? *original wife is speaking to husband turning her back and you can see the ta3seeb if you notice her tapping on the wall with her hand*
-   wain beddi akoun ya3ni? bel sherkeh tab3an
-   mesh sa7ee7 hal 7aki ana 7aket 3al maktab w ma kunt hnak
-   eh, erm... ah mahoo kan 3ndi ejtema3 muhem.
-   3adnaaan! *rade7 tone*
-   enti la shw betlamm7i ya Mayyada?
-   walla enta adra
-   taa5 *slap*
-   btodrobni ya 3adnan? mashi r7 tendam
-   bet.haddedini ya Mayyada?" ... etcetera



7. The leading female character should have a happily married sister to a very useless husband.


8. When shooting a car chasing scene, try to focus the camera on the driver's foot (bed3as banzeen 3al akher).


9. When you want to show that a woman is crying, you focus the camera on the tear and slowly you zoom out.


10. Slow motion when loved ones meet is essential.


11. The date scene, an almost empty restaurant with two glasses of fresh orange juice on the table.


12. The bad guy always has dark circles under his eyes.


13. Other than the previous characters, in a different family, a student studying to become a "mohandes gadd el denya" is necessary, usually he is poor, his older brother dropped out of school to provide for the family who lost their father.


14. Number 13 falls in love with a rich, beautiful, very kind, very sweet daddy's girl. His family constantly reminds him how she's out of his league (they go on the date mentioned in #11).


15. If kids are included, they're always a boy and a girl.


If you have none of the above in your show, sorry, that's just not a Jordanian show and it doesn't qualify to be aired on Libya or Yemen TV. Maybe next time.

13 comments:

oeliwat said...

loooooooooooooool

add to number 10: they run from opposit direction and when they meet half way they join hands and spin

Have you seen the latest Jordanian series, wajh el qamar? what the heck!! 2al the budget was 250,000, how??

Rula A. said...

One word.. Hilarious

Rand said...

oeliwat, I did see some episodes for the sake of mocking the show :) the budget was probably to convince that blond Syrian actress to appear on it. Awful awful series, you shoud check out Ahmad Hasan Al Zoubi's article about it :)

Rula, :) thanx

Roba said...

BRILLIANT! :)
I am really loving your blog!

Rand said...

Thanks Roba :) that's so sweet when I first started it I thought I wasn't gonna be able to keep it up, I thought no one would read it :( glad u like it, I love urs

Anonymous said...

Hey Rand, i'm sarah khalifeh's sister Arwad, we went to school together :)
OMG i just have to say that you're an amazing writer!
last night i read this and i can tell you that i LAUGHED like there's no tomorrow!
i laughed SOO much that i was lying down on the bed, my tummy hurting, tears running down my face, that is how FUNNY this is!
just thought id let you know it's spot on hahahhhahaha omg im laughing now just remembering it hehehehehheheheeh
well done, keep the good work up xxx

Rand said...

Hey Arwaad of course I remember u, u used to curl ur hair with the curling iron sometimes :) ahlan wa sahlan, and thanx 4 the compliment, i'm glad u like my blog, please keep coming :)

Whisper said...

LOOOL love it :D

don't 4get saying "yaba" for 1000 times each episode, specially if she was "3abeer 3esa"

and #13 he is studying "felmdeeneh"

#15 they don't look like each others, nor like one of the parents.
and if they have another scene when they grow up, they will bring some one with the exact opposite features :S

Rand said...

hahaha Whisper sa7 mazboot :D

مياسي said...

so funny indeed :)
i read it to my sis and we laughed so much on it :D

u 4got to talk about "sho betgool? 3awad 7arag el-ma9na3 o harab?"

one of very famous sentence in JO series

Rand said...

thank you mayasi, (are u nicknamed after the corn flavoured peanuts?)

mazboot this scene is the most famous of all, that's why i skipped it :)

welcome here by the way

مياسي said...

hehe

no no i was not named after it, i knew them after i created the blog
thanks my dear :)

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